godbent | 40th: The Frogs of Haruhi Suzmiya

[Okay so her not!date a few days ago ended up a disaster all things considered. She's really not sure how to handle facing Kyon or Minato even four days later ~~hence my need to have a second post such a short time later~~. She's sort of hunt out in the Brigade's front room or at her house -- it's too cold to really sit on the roof of her house, like she might otherwise do. She meant to just be introspective and avoid people other than housemates or people who came to call, even having a silent period in Brigade Meetings.

But well, now there's elves. She ignored the elf for the first day, but it's still here and honestly, the first few requests about hanging up decorations or fixing up that tree Minato and her still got despite the failure of that day. So she does those. Then, its fourth request is... to go caroling all over town for two hours.

Silly.

It's silly, but it's just silly enough for her to want to do it. Honestly, it didn't even tell her what she had to sing. So--- Haruhi will be going all over town, to knock on the front doors of various houses and then sing songs ranging from: Eye of the Tiger to God Knows to Lost My Music, and maybe even a little Pillows. Basically, anything she can recall how to sing off hand. The blatant defiance of the elf's no doubt intended edict of doing Christmas songs feels good. She'll do more things by the book for the elf later, sure, but right now, this level of defiance feels very good.

Feel free to encounter her whole she's "caroling," between houses (with her getting increasingly happy the closer to the end of her run she is), or during her avoidance period. PS: If you're in the Brigade, see here for New Years discussion.]

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['...']

So what happened?

What do you think? What always happens in this world, one of us went home first.

[Now that she got the big thing out of the way, this comes out easier, less bitter than she'd thought. Really, she just feels sad, feeling none of the resentment she expected she would feel if she admitted it outright. Maybe she actually is over all that and she wasn't lying to herself when she said she was protecting him.]

Meaning me. [he blows out a breath.

'Coming back to that incident once again. I've apologized before for leaving - whatever that means; not for it being my fault, but for the consequences of it. Now I just don't know what to say. What happened during that first year I was here? How did -- but it was a completely different scenario, too, right? Because whatever it means for her to be "a guy" and me to be "a girl"... I guess we explored the consequences of that once, and it's different. Really different. It doesn't necessarily mean anything here.']

So you moved on.

['Not trying to accuse anyone of anything here, but I guess I need to figure out the facts.']

Yes. [...] No? Maybe? I don't know, I just sort of survived it eventually.

[And she never got closure. And she never made it clear this was the case to him because it was just easier, for both of them]

So... it just trailed off. Like everything does here when people go away.

[He sighs.]

Well. That makes... some kind of sense, then.

['That makes this even worse.']

Things don't trail off here, Kyon. More often than not, they end abruptly, before you ever even knew what happened. Then you just try to deal with the aftermath. You've been here a year, and you've seen Mikuru and Yuki come and go. Come on, you know that.

... Yeah, but the trailing off part is the aftermath. It's just gone, but my own feelings aren't. That's what kind of trails off. I mean, I dealt with it. It was almost like they were just short dreams or something. ['Doesn't hurt that seeing Asahina-san already feels like a dream... I can't even stop myself.']

Dreams? Hah?

[A beat]

...Yeah, I guess I can see it.

So is that what it was like for you?

I'd never call the important members of my SOS-Brigade "dreams" or "delusions" - after all, that discredits their reality! If anything, I'd call it some cruel joke that they were only here long enough to be shocked and not long enough to care about anything here!

[...] Which I guess means they didn't get too much suffering, but... [It's cruel in that she didn't get more time with them]

Yeah, better for them, maybe. Actually, I don't know. Nagato probably wouldn't be fazed.

...I mean, it's a growth process, right? Shocked, baffled, driven out of your mind, then realizing some things are worth working on.

I'd add two or three more steps and an alternate path, but coming from you that's pretty astute.

Too generous. What kind of alternate path?

That's easy: people who either give up or find no worth in anything. They're either angry or apathetic but almost always boring.

Right. Well, it might take me a while, but I'll eventually find something worth messing around with. I mean, there's no point in being bored.

What, you don't have something already?

[In spite of herself, she turns a bit to pout a little]

Here? --Yeah, I guess I do. I meant more like every time that I pop into a new universe, you know.

[...] Whatever. It's not like we've ever been in another before this.

['... Not much I can say to that one, is there. I mean, as if I hadn't ruined enough of my policies by this point. Let's just--']

Hey, if we lose our memories when we go home, we could've been in any number of them.

...Huh! That's right?! [She never thought of this before now, because she'd put so much stock in memories, but-] It's possible you're somewhere else right... now! [And then she puts two fingers together and immediately after-] And now you're back. That's a surprisingly good point!

['Surprisingly good points always seem to turn out surprisingly badly....']

And then there's dreams, too. That's another whole category where you could say you're in a different universe.

That's pushing it. Dreams are just dreams, Kyon. At best they're symbolic or something.

[Huff]

Yeah? If any other moment of life can be a trip, why not a dream?

Because you aren't physical in a dream, obviously.

You've never had a dream that felt real that way?

[Shrug.]

Well, all right.

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